


Two Weeks In Silver Lake

by arizayna



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, I SHOULD TAG THIS PROPERLY, M/M, Oh and uh, UNREQUITED IN MANY MANY WAYS, and i kinda hate myself for it, and now it's here, but mostly just, but yeah okay, i dont know, i haven't written anything else for a while, it was on my livejournal, kind of, so like, this is old, trigger warning, um, unrequited ziall, yay?, zarry - Freeform, ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-12
Updated: 2013-10-12
Packaged: 2017-12-29 05:39:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1001657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arizayna/pseuds/arizayna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>and zayn learns that by now you shouldn't fuck with beautiful things, no matter how much you love them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Weeks In Silver Lake

**Author's Note:**

> this fic for victoria!!! i don't really know what this is, but there's mentions of abusive relationships and also is almost completely based off tiny vessels by dcfc. uh, that's all. i don't like the ending, and i'll probably change it whenever i come up with a sufficient replacement. also, i used proper capitalization for the first time in a long time yay!!!!

It starts with Zayn kissing Niall in the bathroom while the scars are still open. 

But it really begins like this -

Harry's got bruises like dark stains over his body, and he's had them for a while now, and Zayn thinks maybe they'd get used to this, but who the  _fuck_  could get used to something like this, so they drink and they yell at each other and in the morning they pretend that nothing's happened, but Harry's still got the bruises and Zayn is still angry and nothing's happened, but everything's changed.

Zayn is a mess and he's tired of destroying himself so he tries to hurt Harry, even if he never meant any of it, he never means what he does and that's his fucking problem, but Harry's beautiful and Zayn learns that by now you shouldn't fuck with beautiful things, no matter how much you love them.

Harry looks him over once or twice, shakes his head, and steps outside, seems like he wants to say something but doesn't, and then he's gone.

_He'll be back soon_ , Zayn thinks blurrily, _he has to be back_.

\--

So he drives down to California, with two haversacks and a broken heart, leaving half of himself behind in the city lights, jeweled along skyscraping apartments and kissing Harry hard against the window panes, trying to remember whether he's drunk or just madly in love with green eyes and wine lips.

And then of course he meets a pretty boy with sunshine streaks in his hair and a musical laugh, because this time Zayn's on an adventure and this is how the clichés go, but that's not the focal point of the story, it's not the point at  _all_ , really, until Zayn pulls Niall into a bathroom behind the bar and kisses him desperately without wanting to hurt him and this is where it all begins, honestly.

\--

Niall is beautiful, and you shouldn't fuck with beautiful things, but Zayn doesn't love him, he can't love him yet, not with the memory of Harry pushing into him still alive in his bones, so he doesn't think there'll be much of a problem.

Niall throws his head back against the pillow and pulls Zayn inward like a tsunami tide, wraps his legs around Zayn's waist and moans his vapid breath down Zayn's chest, arches his body up and moves in a staccato rhythm until Zayn's all the way in, slippery and breathless and about to combust into euphoria. They circle each other like an orbit, Zayn's fingertips pulsing on Niall's shoulders, holding him down so that he can't run away, even if he wants to.

Niall's face flushes and he comes with a sudden giggle, and Zayn thinks this should be a disorder; never being able to forget one person while trying to love another, he thinks there should be some sort of guaranteed medication that makes sure he doesn't mess up again, but all he's got now is an inability to tell between what's right and wrong.

The only thing he knows is that he's lonely. He misses Harry, but he  _wants_  Niall, and see; at this point he's so fucked-up that he can't even tell one from the other anymore.

\--

Niall moves forward, juts the knife blade of his hipbone against Zayn's waist and whispers, "I'm glad I met you."

Zayn digs his fingers behind Niall's cavicles, leaves kisses on the pale skin, and thinks  _don't be so sure_.

\--

So Niall loves him and Zayn is trying to love him back, he really is, because Niall has constellations inside his eyes and warmth spilling out into every intonation of his voice, and he's so, so, so beautiful. Niall is high and wild and happy; Zayn is happy when he's with him. They kiss under sunsets and swim among the stars, and Zayn wants to feel like this is something more than just making up for the lonely ache that's been inside him since Harry left, but he can't, he can't, he just  _can't_.

And look-- Niall deserves to be loved. Zayn can't find a single thing wrong with him, can't pick out any flaw (other than the painfully obvious fact that he's not Harry, and Zayn knows that he should be trying to move on at this point, but he can't bring himself to do it). Niall is amazing and wonderful and Zayn knows that he deserves to be loved by someone whose other half isn't lying away within a locked apartment building in the city.

But the point is that Niall loves him, in a way that's childlike and bright and adoring, clingy and needy and all the types of things that make Zayn feel like a better person than he actually is. He wants this, wants to feel important to someone, anyone, and Niall is doing just that.

So when Niall floods the bedsheets with the exuberant warmth that follows him around, buries his sleepy face in Zayn's chest, and says, "Let's fall in love," -

Zayn thinks  _no, no, never,_ but says, "Okay."

\--

Two weeks in Silver lake and Niall still isn't Harry and Harry still hasn't returned and Zayn is tired of waiting.

"What am I to you?" Niall asks one day.

Zayn looks at him, from his gold-sprinkled hair to the soles of his curled toes, and says, "You're beautiful."

Niall smiles, anchors his arm around Zayn's neck and kisses him just above the space of his erratic heartbeat, and Zayn thinks,

_You're beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me._

\--

The first time he hits Niall, he swears it was a mistake.

He panics, bolts out of the house and collapses on the front porch, thinking  _no, no, no, it's coming back_ , he's fucking wanting to hurt everyone again.

Niall tries to figure him out, to understand the sudden change in behavior, and Zayn knows he should tell him the truth, tell him about Harry and why they broke up and why he doesn't even deserve Niall.

But that night all Zayn can do is cuff Niall down onto the sheets and fuck him like a late train leaving the station, pinning him by his wrists and begging him to never,  _ever_  run away.

\--

In the morning Niall's lips taste like forgiveness and innocence.

Zayn takes him on a drive across the bridge and doesn't mention how much he wants to drown himself in the ocean below.

\--

_Hi, Zayn, uh, it's Harry, I thought I'd leave you a voicemail just to check up on how you're doing. I hope you've found some help for yourself. I hope you're getting better. You're easy to love, Zayn, but difficult to be in love with._

_I hope you threw out my old T-shirts, because I don't really want them anymore._

_Stop waiting for me, Zayn, because I'm not coming back, alright?_

_I'm never coming back._

\--

Niall hides the bruises under his shirt and doesn't love Zayn any less, even if he has every reason to.

\--

"Zayn, we need to talk about this. At some point you're going to have to explain."

Zayn buries his head under his arm, resting it on the table. "There's nothing to explain, Niall."

Niall shifts closer to him, nudges his face against Zayn's shoulder like a puppy waiting for attention. "Is something wrong?"

_You're damn right there is, but_ \--

"We can't talk about it now," Zayn says, turning away and thinking of how much he hates himself. "We just can't talk about this now."

\--

After two weeks the abuse becomes too much and Niall gets tired of chasing someone who isn't chasing back, and the sex dies down, and there's nothing left anymore.

Niall shakes his head, looks Zayn up and down just like Harry did, and says, "I love you. But you never did the same."

Zayn looks down at his hands, at the damage they have caused, at the mess he's turned Niall into. "I know."

"Not even once?"

Zayn wants to say  _yes, yes, yes, I'll tell you that I love you if you stay with me_ , but he shakes his head at Niall. "No."

Niall takes a deep breath. "What am I to you?" he asks quietly, voice quavering near its breaking point, holding Zayn's gaze desperately like a drowning man. "What was I  _ever_ to you?"

"Beautiful," Zayn says, golden eyes blazing into Niall. "You're beautiful, Niall, and that's all you've ever been."

Niall's face crumples, like someone trying not to cry. "Then why didn't you ever love me?" he whispers.

Zayn's hand lands softly on the side of Niall's hip like a seven four seven airplane, before pulling back immediately. "I'm sorry," he says softly. "You're beautiful, but you're not him. You're beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me."

"Okay," Niall nods, voice constricted. "Okay."

Zayn watches him tether out the door, like someone waiting to be called home, but doesn't do anything about it.

_He won't come back_ , Zayn thinks. I _don't want him to._

\--

Zayn has a problem, fucking with beautiful things, destroying masterpieces before they have a chance to breathe.

He's crushed Harry down to the very last morsel, and now he'll spend the rest of his life in a half-empty barren existence.

He's destroyed Niall, and it won't be the last time either. He pretends to miss him more than he actually does.

Because,  _look_ \--

Niall is beautiful.

He's beautiful, and Zayn  _should_  feel guilty for fucking with him, but at this point he knows that Niall never did, and never  _will_ , mean a thing to Zayn.

\--

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think, maybe?


End file.
